Wednesday, February 20, 2008

I'm Exhausted

You know when you get so angry and resentful that it is almost tiring...that is how I feel today. Not because of how angry and resentful I am...but I had a dream about it. I dreamt that I was blaming several people for Ron's death. He died for different reasons in my dream and I was really blaming people for it. I woke up this morning just wiped right out, I had a very hard time getting out of bed. Today Michaela and I are having a jammie day, I just don't have it in me to go out anywhere, not even to take her to preschool.

I have had such a great last few days, I mean great...maybe this is my own guilt for having fun...who knows. Maybe I just need a day of resting and doing nothing...I don't think that is it. I think I'm just having a day where I truly miss Ron, I wish I could blame someone...I get angry with God for taking him. I know God is very forgiving with me for this, I know He has His reasons for what we went through...I just wish I knew (but at least Ron knows).

I know that today I will need to spend some time meditating on God's word...asking for some help...and some forgivness.

2 comments:

Mrs. Wilson said...

Oh man, I hate those dreams that feel so real ... I'm sorry you had such a horrid one! Maybe the resentment thing came from us talking about resentment last night at Debbie's ...

I'll pray for you today. Pajama days and Bible reading are quite healing!

Org Junkie said...

Don't be too hard on yourself Annie. It's okay to have these feelings and it's totally understandable.

Hugs and prayers xxooxx