Sweet Friends

Okay after my very sad and rough week...things got very good.

God just knew that I was feeling overwhelmed with life and all the things that I need to get done. I have to paint my basement suite before new carpet gets installed next Tuesday, my lawn needed to get ready for spring...just a bunch of stuff that I really didn't know how I was going to do it. At Bible study on Monday my very good friend just announced that on Tuesday there would be a work party at my house....so a group of people showed up and got so much done!!! We started painting, ripping out carpet, lawn raked, shed cleared out...they even put training wheels on Michaela's "new to her" bike. God is so good...I went to bed feeling so great (but really really sore)!!!

I'm still painting downstairs, but most of it is done...I love my friends!! I've also decided (with the encouragement of my very good friend) that I MUST get more disciplined in my devotional life, it really is what I need to do to draw closer to the Lord.

I'm also now getting ready for Michaela's birthday party this Saturday (a little earlier than her actual birthday). We are having a pool party, I've got the pool booked so it should be fun!! I've started her goody bags and I think I'll go shopping tonight to get some snacks and stuff.

Well I should get myself together for an Epicure party tonight!

Last Lecture

Okay this is such a mistake, I can't sleep tonight...it is 1:30am now. I got out of bed and decided to watch some tv shows that I've DVR'd. So after watching 30 Rock and my favourite The Office I have started watching Primetime: Last Lecture. It is about a professor who has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer...he has only been given a few months to live. He has some wonderful things to share, what is getting me is now they have his wife and children...oh this is hitting really close to home.

Lately I feel like I'm getting into some serious self pity. I can't believe this is where my life is, I hate it. I'm miss Ron so much, I miss having him next to me, being able to laugh with him...it is so hard to be without him.

Okay I have to go to bed now...I need to try and get some sleep.

Oh the Struggles

Okay so yesterday was Ron's birthday, it was such a busy day that I really didn't have time to think too much about things. I also have a friend's 3 children this week while they are away (they are in school during the day so it isn't too much extra..plus they are really great kids).

Anyway, there was a dinner last night with the pastoral candidate and his wife at our Bible study group. They seem to be really great people and I enjoyed getting to know them better. I'm looking forward to hearing Bob speak on Sunday.

Now I struggle with a couple in my group, they are very nice people but I have a few issues with them. I think I was also a bit sensitive last night as well...but when someone announces a praise item about a fellow in town who has a brain tumor (this guys tumor has shrunk). I know that this is my struggle, I wasn't upset that his tumor had shrunk, but upset that this person had made a big deal about it. This is my selfish side, I felt that it was a bit insensitive of him to do this while I was around...now feel free to say "suck it up princess, it isn't all about you". I do know this and I'm trying to deal with it...just give me time.

Now, Ron's mom and brother are still not going to be attending his burial, I am truly hoping that they aren't doing this to upset me...because it really doesn't matter to me if they are there or not. I just hope and pray that they don't regret their decision.

We are now really counting down to Disneyland...6 weeks today!!! A family from our church will be staying in our basement suite for May and June, it will be great to have someone living here while we're away...and taking care of my dog (right Jen)!!

Now I'm off to take wallpaper down...need to get things painted downstairs for said family!!

Save the Drama for your Mama

Yes I haven't posted lately...drama would be why. I don't understand why, if I don't have a husband anymore, I still have to deal with in laws!!

We are planning to bury Ron's ashes this summer in the town where he grew up...and this is where the drama begins. Ron's mom would like another full service, I can't handle one so I say just a graveside service with some people speaking and then a get together afterward. But I've also said if they would like to do a service, I'm okay with that but I can't be a part of it...far too emotional.

Well now she is doing her own service with Ron's brother...oh yeah and they wont be at the burial. I can't believe I'm dealing with this garbage...seriously!!

Anyway I've told them all how I feel and that I'm finished discussing it, I didn't want to sound harsh or play the "wife" card...but I'm not letting others push me around for their own agendas. She has been doing that lately and I'm starting to see through it now.

On to better things...WE'RE GOING TO DISNEYLAND!! Yes Michaela and I...oh yeah and my 22 year old nephew are going away at the end of May to the happiest place on earth. I think I've earned it!!

Another Saturday Night!!

Well today wasn't too bad, my niece took Michaela to see Horton Hears a Who this afternoon...that game me a chance to get groceries alone (always a treat). When I was leaving the store I saw a red Mustang...wow did that make me miss Ron. He had a red Mustang that he loved, I hated that car. He couldn't drive it in the winter so it was in the garage while my vehicle would be out in the snow having to get cleaned off before work (or wherever)!! Oh and it was such a gas hog...and he had quite a commute. What I would give to have it back, we sold it last year...Ron was in the hospital but he knew that he wouldn't be driving it again (he had lost his sight by then). I can't believe that this time last year I was staying in the hospital with him...it doesn't seem like that long ago.

The weather was so great today, I finally got the last of my Christmas lights down...now I have to get things ready to put the house on the market. I have some wall paper to take down and a lot of painting to do...sometimes it is a bit overwhelming.

I won't be building a new house now...the bank turned me down for an equity loan (I guess they don't like lending to people who don't have an income). I'm accepting it as God's will, I've prayed about it and I guess it isn't the right thing to do. Every once in a while I'll feel like I need to plan out my life, this week was like that and when the bank turned me down things felt a little out of control. I really need to work on listening and letting God lead my life...not leading myself. He has let me know that where I am right now is where He wants me to be, I don't need to worry about working my focus needs to be on Michaela right now. I felt so much better when I finally let go of things, I know God has plans for my life...I just need to make sure that I'm listening.

Menu Planning Monday

Okay I haven't done this in a while...but I really need to get back into it.

Monday - Spinach and cheese manacotti
Tuesday - Widow's dinner at Debbie's
Wednesday - Chicken, potatoes and broccoli
Thursday - Perogies
Friday - Pizza
Saturday - Spaghetti and meatballs

Sunday will be a free for all...pick at leftovers or whatever!!!

The Ultimate Blog Party

Welcome to my Ultimate blog Party, 5 Minutes for Mom is hosting it as a way to get to know many other bloggers and they are even prizes and stuff!!

So to introduce myself, my name is Ann and I have a gorgeous little girl Michaela who will be 5 next month. In the last year we've been through quite a rough road...with the love of Christ and His saving grace we've made it this far. My husband was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor, Grade IV astrocytoma (glioblastoma multiforme), in December '06. After 7 months of fighting this horrible disease we lost the battle. Through it we drew closer to each other and even closer to our Lord, He lifted us on days we couldn't get up and brought joy on days where we couldn't smile.

I am now a widow raising my wonderful little girl with the help of a wonderful family, amazing friends and a church that loves and cares for us. God has given us so many blessing as we've moved from one stage of our lives to another.

My blog is about trying to get my focus back, to find my way back into this world...to know where I'm suppose to be to glorify the Lord.

Thanks for stopping by, I'm looking forward to going through the other blogs and getting to know and being inspired by some wonderful women out there in blogland!!