Memories

I must be the worst blogger every, I sometimes think about writing something...but then the feeling passes.

I was reading another blog by a woman named Heather who is a strong Christian with an amazing walk...and brain cancer. When I read what she has written I just feel God's strength in her...just like He lifts me every day.

My life continues on, Ron is in our thoughts daily as Michaela and I talk about him all of the time. I'm always amazed at the things that a 4 year old can remember. This morning she said she wanted eggs like she got at her old hotel...our old hotel is in Prince George where we would stay when Ron travelled there on business (our new hotel is where we stayed when Ron was having his treatments in Kelowna). She recalled going down the big water slide with daddy in our old hotel, we haven't stayed there in over a year. I feel such a big responsibility to keep Ron very vivid in her memory.

I was watching an interview with Terri Irwin (Steve Irwin's widow). She was talking about keeping her husband alive in her kids memories, watching video of him daily. His things are still around the house as they always were, people may find this odd and that she isn't moving on...I totally understand. With a small child I want to do all that I can to make sure Michaela remembers Ron and how much he loved her. I don't want her wonder what her daddy was like and how he was with her....I just want her to know these things.

Nurses

I became very familiar with nurses this past year. I didn't know how hard they worked and the responsibilities that they have.

I have always admired people who became nurses, these are people who do a job that I could never do. They care for people in the most vulnerable part of their lives. This year I spent 3 months staying with Ron in the hospital, I really got to see the amazing work that they do. They all cared so deeply for Ron...and for Michaela and me as well. They brought gifts in for Michaela, they did crafts with her...one even gave her a mani-pedi. A nurse even brought a double bed in for Michaela and I to sleep together...now that is caring.

They were with us all the way, they cried when Ron passed...they hugged and comforted me. I've became friends with some of the nurses...I actually went to lunch at one of their houses yesterday (actually she goes to our church as well).

I wish I could do what they do, I wish I had their compassion for people...sadly that isn't my gift. I have some good memories of my time spent in the hospital and the wonderful people that I met there...now that is how loving our Lord is.

Sad Day

Well today was my pastor's last day, his last sermon...I will truly miss him.

Ron and I were so blessed when we started going to our church. We felt so welcome and really at home there...that is how a church should be. After all that we've gone through this year I know the Lord led us there. He gave us the gift of a wonderful church family and amazing support system...I can't imagine not having these people in my life.

I love my church and while I'll miss our pastor I know the love that I have for the family there will remain. I pray for the search committee and the responsibility that is set before them...this is the time that a church is vulnerable.

Anyway this post was actually going to be about something that my pastor said to me after I gave him a hug. He said I was a great example for him...I was pretty blown away with that. I would never think of myself as an example to anyone...let alone a senior pastor. Really though that compliment isn't directed at me...God did some amazing things with me in the last year. He lifted me daily when I wouldn't have been able to stand on my own. He surrounded me with people who could help me get through each day. He gave me people who lifted me and my family up in prayer daily. He gave me a beautiful little girl who is most definitely her father's daughter. Most of all He gave me a husband who loved the Lord and the knowledge that I will see him again...the greatest gift.

A New Beginning

My life has changed drastically in the last year...actually in the last 10 months.

I had the honour of caring for my husband as he courageously battled brain cancer...sadly he lost his battle on July 28, 2007. I am now a single mother to a beautiful little 4 year old girl who is the light of my life.

I never expected to be at this place in my life, I'm pretty sure nobody does. I knew I wouldn't be single again, I married the love of my life...we'd be together forever. Someone said to me "We plan and God laughs", I know that while I don't understand why we went through this it is in God's plan. While that doesn't mean that my heart isn't broken and that I'm not very angry at God some days...it means that the next day I will be okay.

So now I start figuring out what I'm going to do and how I'm going to do it...every day is a new beginning. I know that I have an amazing support system with friends and family and an amazing church family.